I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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