note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
