I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
