Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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