we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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