I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
