I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
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I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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