Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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