I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
