I'm drive I can fine osifer
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
