she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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