we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need moral support for this bender
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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