i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
