Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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