My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
