Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
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Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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