I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
