Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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