shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
