You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
