Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
