it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
