Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
