going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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