The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
