tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
NoShamevember. You game?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
