i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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