I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i think i just lost a toe
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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