we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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