Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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