he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
