so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
