this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
