I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
