I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Randomize
