Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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