shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
