It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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