My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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