may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
