Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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