thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
