She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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