If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
