my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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