My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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