my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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