I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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