Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
