How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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