47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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