My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
