i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
