hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
