I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
