I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
