Swine flu. Run for my life!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
