I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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