If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
