she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
