Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
BRING THE BAGELS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
