____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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