I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
