my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
