We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
