Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
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I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's a Shit stain on my heart
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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