bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
