It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
