got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
