Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Randomize
