Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
