Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
