Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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