We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
