Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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