Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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