My liver just broke up with me...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
