I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
