Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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