Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
