eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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