i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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