U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
