Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
