I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
