Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
