those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
